The Delightful Study of the Self

Gaura (Sonia): In my awareness, there seems to be a sense of knowingness that I'm trusting, and it seems to be true and real. But in some situations I  feel a sense of lack in some sort of knowing, and I feel I need to complete and mature my full awareness. I was wondering if you could point me to some sort of study or whatever it is that I need to do to hold the awareness that I am that true freedom . . .

Swami Shyam: Any study that you are doing which is not strengthening  your awareness of the Self or the truth should be reduced. What subjects have you studied? 

Gaura: I have studied some Patanjali and my thought is that, when I go to Canada, I would like to study more on this topic.Bu I haven't done much study in other areas [such as geography, social sciences, science, mathematics, etc.] because when I was growing up, book learning was not encouraged. So I feel a sense of lack there.

Swami-ji: Patanjali is just perfect. I wanted to lead your attention to the fact that your ancestors or community leaders were right that book learning can get you more confused than ordinary face-to-face experiences. But we continue reading and writing because we have to continue living on Earth.
    But a sense of duality—sense of otherness—is created by that pattern of study where duality is important. 
    For example, suppose you have two brothers in politics and one is elected for the government and another represents the opposition. Each one has to speak for his party and against the opposing party. So not only to they have to speak about what suits them, but they have to contradict the other. That is duality. And in all the subjects, you will find this duality. That's why human behaviour is mostly politically oriented. You can call it politics, or you can call it duality. 

The way of human beings is that they stand for what they think and contradict what others think. That kind of study does not help over here.
    Here one has to be sincere to the Self who abides in every being— your brother, your sister, your mother, your father, your friends. The same Self which has made their bodies has made your body. But your attention is deeper—most people's understanding is a gross understanding of name and form. This attention on name and form does not allow a person to be tuned into the formless.
Patanjali is leading you first towards the mind, then samaadhi, [definition], and ultimately kaivalya [the liberated state]. 
    The samaadhi state unifies. Mental states and mental discussions create duality, and that makes you separate. Studying something which is only describing the surface level of objects and their descriptions does not help in holding your awareness of the truth about which you just spoke. 
    In those situations where you become dualistic, you lose sight of the inner being of everyone. That you must know by now, but what I want to say it is: practice—whenever you forget!

Over here, it has been the most wonderful evolution of friendship and oneness because everyone has now developed the awareness that you are that Shyam which permeates your eyes, permeates your body. That Shyam, that blueness, that consciousness, that existence is not only light but the source of light  
    And with that awareness, what happens? All of you are friends together! It is  family. Wherever you go—go to Canada or go to England—you will find that commonality, that 'Shyam-ness.' You are friends together.  Why? Because you respect the 'Me' in others, and that you never forget. 
    That 'Me'  is not only the form, Swami Shyam. If you call 'Me' a photograph of me, or a photograph of you, then you have not seen 'Me.'  That 'Me,' that energy,  is Space, and it permeates all the forms. But that Space or pure consciousness is lost when this body is taken to the world of forms. It is supposed to be lost: you cannot live together with people without the knowledge of division—the divided consciousness of I and you. 
    But your ambition is that you should not fall short of that Oneness. For that, you have to practice. It is not essential that you have to engage in great studies. You just hold this awareness. Even while you are eating! The same essence of which the food is made, you are made! 
    Essence and essence are one. And this can be practiced in every situation. 
    It is good that you read books and so on, but remember my words, and the knowledge contained in them: if you are reading a book, know that the book is made of paper, paper is made of wood, wood is made of fire, and fire permeates you, fire permeates the book. That's the study. 
Patanjali also says study—Swadhyaya—the study of 'Swa' [Self]. Once you have come to know the nature of Swa, then you can have Swadhyaya. 
    So far as daily reminders are concerned, Patanjali is good! 

The English word 'study' doesn't give the right meaning. Everything begins with Self—Swa. So Swa is first. A child cannot get to that. For him, food is first, then later, clothes, play and toys. He is developed in the forms, the elements.
But if you can see the essence in all the elements, that thou art. Then you are seeing the essence of your elemental body. That is the study.
    And you will never forget.

Becoming a totally new person

Pushpa: Sometimes I've noticed in my system, either here in Satsang or in any kind of interaction, that my focus is lost. I may be paying attention and absorbing, but then it goes. And I'm wondering— especially for Satsang—with increased meditation, will the ability to hold my focus be strengthened?   

Swami-ji: Yes. Because then you won't mind such a loss of focus! [Lots of laughter.] 

Pushpa: When the mind is there, I mind very much. [More laughter.]

Swami-ji: Yes. Actually it is a new realm that is opened after meditating. You become a different person—a totally new person. Then, you no longer copy your old ways. This is what meditation does.
    Why do you have to do the job of focusing your attention on unnecessary things or projects? Automatically, if you have meditated, your focus on this world of forms is lost. 
    As you advance in the unfoldment of awareness, you have to see how much time you need for yourself. Then your attention on meditation, which means the Self will get you unfocussed on things which create uneasiness. You need easiness. And easiness is not on the mind field. Easiness is only in the field represented by the space of meditation. 
    So if don't want the focus of attention to be on easiness, then drop meditation, and be like everyone else. 
    But if you meditate, you will be divine. And as divine, you will no loger have the concern about what you have lost, or what you have gained. You have enough. God's energy is such that it fills the whole infinity.

The Exquisite Reality of the Blue-Black Space

Nilima (Nina): I have a question about meditation. 
    In the last couple of days, I have had two very different kinds of happenings in meditation. The first was a kind where I just disappeared completely for a long period of time. It was quite strong and it was the kind of meditation where, when I came out of it, I had the sense that I do not exist in any way except as transparent purity. 
    And then the next day I was meditating and, at the end of the meditation, I rubbed my hands over my eyes, and as soon as I did that, the space got incredibly dark and blue—so dark and blue that I couldn't believe any more that I was outside in the sunlight. It was very strong and very different from anything that I could expect. And I had the feeling that this is Krishn, this is Shyam. 
    The two were so different that I was wondering afterward which sort of meditation is telling me more about my own true nature. They both seemed perfect, they both seemed absolute, and yet they both seemed so different . . .  

Swami-ji: There are levels of understanding. But for the one who is Self, or Krishn, or Shyam, there is no level. Beyond that, there could never be any level. 
    In the second meditation, it was you, as Krishn, as Self, watching Self, knowing Self, therefore, it was not Nina. But Nina, describing it now, is Nina. 
    At the time of meditation, there was no trio [trio is a word Swami-ji uses to describe the world of subject, object and the interaction of the two; such as seer, seen and seeing], and no different levels of light. If you understand now, it is not the understanding of the mind, because you cannot produce that extremely dark blue light by thinking or experience or talking. 
    When trio is gone, it happens. When trio is built, then that light has levels—subject level, object level, seer level, seen level, and seeing level. But there it is called Absolute Bliss Being where there is no division, and that permeates the whole universe. At that point, there is no division between blue light and white light. It is the same. Having realized that, it doesn't fall into the category of comprehension or understanding, so the word realization is used. 
    People don't understand what realization is. But through meditation it becomes clear. So there are no levels now. You have seen that. So you are not to worry which part should give you the knowledge of what. 
    In the meditation, ahankar [individual ego] was gone completely, so you said, 'I was no more.' We refer to ourselves as 'I' with this status [points to himself], which is ahankar. In meditation, ahankar goes. In deep sleep, it doesn't actually go away and it comes back. In meditation, when ahankar goes, the very Self comes and Self acts. Ahankar is dissolved. That's called surrender—no more 'I.' Having this experience, you know you are that Krishn Space, Shyam Space—these are just names for that direct experience. Direct experience [he points to a vase of flowers] means that mind is not seeing the flowers. It is the same who is seeing himself the same. 
    So it cannot be said that 'I' saw blue-blackness or 'I' saw Shyam Space. The very blue-blackness has seen blue-blackness. That is it. But to describe it, you have to become a human being. 
    Nobody will know what you have seen. When others hear 'blue-blackness,' they will hope for blue-blackness and they will have their own concept. 
    And that is good, for they will continue and work with that. 

8 March 2000